Sunday, January 6, 2008

Part 1 Choose Your Healing Attitude

Okay if I have breast cancer why aren’t my boobs getting bigger?

INTRODUCTION: Some people laugh in the face of humiliation, misfortune, destitution or shame. Some laugh in the face of danger...I laugh at cancer. This article is long therefore posted in 4 parts. I hope you will not only be informed but entertained as well. Remember that laughing at something can rob it of its power over you. I hope you can laugh at this.

My disclaimer:
This article is about my own personal experience. It is not about any other person’s experience or opinions—just mine.


Everybody needs a laugh now and then--and women with cancer of any kind need a lot of laughs. I’d like to share my experience of breast cancer and give you a heads up about how funny some of these situations can be. It occurred to me recently that some of the experiences I was telling my friends about might have seemed horrendous to them. It’s one of those situations where you really need to have been there and done that to “get” the irony, the chuckle or the belly laugh until tears run. The funniest part is just the shock value you can deliver being off-the-wall about this stuff to your friends.

For starters having cancer never actually seemed real to me. I kept thinking that I should be feeling more...more scared or panicked or sad or whatever. But I didn’t and in retrospect it was probably a good thing. At least I could be objective and I didn’t feel like a victim. I've got a thing I say about victims, having been one earlier in my life. I say there are no victims, only volunteers. Stay with me awhile here before you go off on that one.

Let’s go over the process so we have some common ground. I found the lump. I went to have it checked. There was the mammogram, the ultra-sound and biopsy. It came back saying Stage 3 advanced cancer, Invasive Ductal Carcinoma. Then choosing the oncologist, going for the CT scan and the MRI. I chose a woman doctor from India because I am into natural health and alternative healing. I figured I would have the widest latitude in attitude with a woman and a foreigner. I relied heavily on alternative healing methods, but did so in conjunction with traditional western medicine including chemotherapy. My tumor was large, too large for a lumpectomy. My doctor said the mass was about 6x7 centimeters and the cancer was aggressive and fast growing. Okay that’s where I was. Now I am cancer free and feel it is my obligation to provide some first-hand and light-hearted insight.

What’s so funny about cancer?

…Nothing except our fear and panic reactions to it. Actually our fears are sadder than anything else. One of the coolest things anybody said to me when I confided that I had been diagnosed was “Don’t let the C word scare you. It’s about like appendicitis.” Thank you Dona! That was a reality check!

I already had the attitude of defiance concerning my “condition”. When I told my surgeon in March (first visit) that I would be actively participating in my healing process he looked over the top of his glasses at me and said, “You need to choose an oncologist.” According to my midpoint MRI eight weeks after starting chemo I was cancer free and only halfway through the scheduled chemo. By August that surgeon hugged me, smiled broadly and said he was “impressed”. He had removed only a small amount of tissue and two lymph nodes for testing. Of course there was no sign of any cancer.

With my objectivity and defiance well in place, combined with knowledge of alternative healing methods under my belt I met the “C” word head on and faced it squarely on my own terms. Some people call this courageous. I don’t know about that. I know who I am and I know I really could not have handled it differently. Do you need to be courageous? Even if you don’t think you are brave now you will become brave. It’s part of the process. If you plan to survive it will just happen. Pat yourself on the back for just being on this path. My, haven’t you chosen a good lesson?

1 comment:

Becca Manner said...

I totally get this. I mean, I can get to feel discouraged a lot but I remind myself...what's the point? Make the most of what you've got in the moment! And hey, if I die at least I didn't die moaning. I did my best and I know I made a difference. I want to die laughing.