Okay if I have breast cancer why aren’t my boobs getting bigger?
INTRODUCTION: Some people laugh in the face of humiliation, misfortune, destitution or shame. Some laugh in the face of danger...I laugh at cancer. This article is long therefore posted in 4 parts. I hope you will not only be informed but entertained as well. Remember that laughing at something can rob it of its power over you. I hope you can laugh at this.
My disclaimer:
This article is about my own personal experience. It is not about any other person’s experience or opinions—just mine.
Everybody needs a laugh now and then--and women with cancer of any kind need a lot of laughs. I’d like to share my experience of breast cancer and give you a heads up about how funny some of these situations can be. It occurred to me recently that some of the experiences I was telling my friends about might have seemed horrendous to them. It’s one of those situations where you really need to have been there and done that to “get” the irony, the chuckle or the belly laugh until tears run. The funniest part is just the shock value you can deliver being off-the-wall about this stuff to your friends.
For starters having cancer never actually seemed real to me. I kept thinking that I should be feeling more...more scared or panicked or sad or whatever. But I didn’t and in retrospect it was probably a good thing. At least I could be objective and I didn’t feel like a victim. I've got a thing I say about victims, having been one earlier in my life. I say there are no victims, only volunteers. Stay with me awhile here before you go off on that one.
Let’s go over the process so we have some common ground. I found the lump. I went to have it checked. There was the mammogram, the ultra-sound and biopsy. It came back saying Stage 3 advanced cancer, Invasive Ductal Carcinoma. Then choosing the oncologist, going for the CT scan and the MRI. I chose a woman doctor from India because I am into natural health and alternative healing. I figured I would have the widest latitude in attitude with a woman and a foreigner. I relied heavily on alternative healing methods, but did so in conjunction with traditional western medicine including chemotherapy. My tumor was large, too large for a lumpectomy. My doctor said the mass was about 6x7 centimeters and the cancer was aggressive and fast growing. Okay that’s where I was. Now I am cancer free and feel it is my obligation to provide some first-hand and light-hearted insight.
What’s so funny about cancer?
…Nothing except our fear and panic reactions to it. Actually our fears are sadder than anything else. One of the coolest things anybody said to me when I confided that I had been diagnosed was “Don’t let the C word scare you. It’s about like appendicitis.” Thank you Dona! That was a reality check!
I already had the attitude of defiance concerning my “condition”. When I told my surgeon in March (first visit) that I would be actively participating in my healing process he looked over the top of his glasses at me and said, “You need to choose an oncologist.” According to my midpoint MRI eight weeks after starting chemo I was cancer free and only halfway through the scheduled chemo. By August that surgeon hugged me, smiled broadly and said he was “impressed”. He had removed only a small amount of tissue and two lymph nodes for testing. Of course there was no sign of any cancer.
With my objectivity and defiance well in place, combined with knowledge of alternative healing methods under my belt I met the “C” word head on and faced it squarely on my own terms. Some people call this courageous. I don’t know about that. I know who I am and I know I really could not have handled it differently. Do you need to be courageous? Even if you don’t think you are brave now you will become brave. It’s part of the process. If you plan to survive it will just happen. Pat yourself on the back for just being on this path. My, haven’t you chosen a good lesson?
Sunday, January 6, 2008
Part 2 Choose Your Healing Attitude
Did I ever cry about it?
Sure, a few times like when I was over-tired, or had a particularly bad day that happened also to be the day of one of those awful procedures, (inserting the metal marker, a small metal piece about the size of a bb). I cried that day. There were only a couple other times. I kind of amazed myself. I started observing my reactions. Later when I explained the procedure to a friend I made light of it and said I now had a “bb” in my boob. It felt pretty good to say it that way. It was empowering. I always had small breasts, in school I got teased about wearing my bra backwards. My shoulder blades stuck out farther. When I was skinny I was skinny on top but I always had hips. I guess you could say I’ve been the classic pear shape since I was twelve years old. If you are pear shaped you know that means bottom-heavy, and how it feels to get called thunder thighs. It sucks. Whenever the topic of shape comes up I reply with the fact that pears are a particularly luscious fruit, sweet and juicy. Yeah, you can use that.
So, I posed the question of my dear little peach-sized breasts, “If I have a tumor growing why isn’t my boob getting bigger? I said to friends, “Oh well, I guess its okay because then I’d just be lopsided.” That got a few smiles. Hey, I had been handed one of life’s lemons and I was damn well going to have me some lemonade! Enough about fruit! I decided this about cancer: I don’t want it, I don’t need it, and it has to go!
The Chemo Experience
The first four rounds of chemo were Adriamicin and Cytoxin. Before you get chemo for breast cancer they have this lovely (not) little device they implant into your chest--because the chemo is so caustic they can't put it in your arms. This was the thing I really hated most. Okay that's not funny but there is some funny stuff if you keep reading. I really have to give you a heads up about what I call “electric crotch”—more about that later. Believe it or not, this is funny—at least to me. During my first trip for chemo I was talking to the nurse and said I was optimistic and considered this cancer thing an opportunity to lose sixty pounds. (Yes, I can afford to lose it.) She said I would not be losing any weight and I just might gain some because of the steroids. Oh joy! Not only do I have cancer, now I’m going to get fatter! How is that fair? Top that off with orange pee for a day after treatment. That brings up the absolute need for water; take in as much as you can possibly drink. It will help you feel better more quickly by getting the chemo drugs flushed out of the body. Just a side note, the second set of drugs--chemo treatments number 5 & 6 made my bones ache something awful. Since the cancer was gone I refused the last two treatments. I was feeling like I didn’t want to get poisoned two more times for nothing.
There were some preliminary meds given just before the chemo was administered. One of them was Benadryl to avoid an allergic reaction to the chemo. I guess it affects various people differently. My experience was that I almost immediately felt light headed—woozy. It was like smoking pot, (from what I remember twenty-five or thirty years ago of course). That lasted mere seconds. Next, however briefly, my vision blurred a bit. Actually I just had trouble focusing. Next was the most unexpected response, which lasted several minutes. It was tingling, itchy, almost buzz-y and electric feeling “DOWN THERE”. I could barely control the urge to wriggle in my chair to try to relieve the sensation and make it stop. This is “electric crotch”. Months later, during my follow up radiation one of my best friends was diagnosed with breast cancer. I am so privileged to be able to tell her what to expect and be good moral support and head cheerleader. That is why I decided to write this article to lighten the burden and give some very practical advice.
Does Cancer Hurt?
Was there pain? Oh yes, but not from the cancer. Though it surprised me, that part was painless. It was the procedures that were a bit on the hard side. Still, once they had all the tests done the worst was over, except the procedures before surgery. Of all the stuff that will be done to you these will be the worst—and everybody survives them. I passed with flying colors, not a tear. Just be sure to ask beforehand exactly what will happen and what they will be doing so you aren’t surprised. I think it helps to be mentally prepared. Everybody is different and what really hurts one person may not bother you that much. Just because you have the same disease doesn’t mean your have the same boobs or the same degree of sensation or pain threshold, or reactions to the chemicals either. Oh, one more thing. One day I was eating chips early on in chemo and scratched the roof of my mouth. You have to be careful about mouth sores. Equal amounts of baking soda and salt in warm water for a mouth rinse works quite well. Catch it early.
I’ve got to say up front that I didn’t have a job to work everyday. During chemo I was able to go to bed those couple of days and mostly sleep through the nauseous days. Usually this hit on the third evening after treatment and lasted about two and a half days. I was so fortunate and believe me I am thankful. Since I have my own business (weddings and healing) I was able to schedule work during my good week. Chemo week was what I called the down week; the week after was what I called my up week. I was careful not to say my down week was the “bad” week. Our words affect how we feel and I was trying to be only positive.
Sure, a few times like when I was over-tired, or had a particularly bad day that happened also to be the day of one of those awful procedures, (inserting the metal marker, a small metal piece about the size of a bb). I cried that day. There were only a couple other times. I kind of amazed myself. I started observing my reactions. Later when I explained the procedure to a friend I made light of it and said I now had a “bb” in my boob. It felt pretty good to say it that way. It was empowering. I always had small breasts, in school I got teased about wearing my bra backwards. My shoulder blades stuck out farther. When I was skinny I was skinny on top but I always had hips. I guess you could say I’ve been the classic pear shape since I was twelve years old. If you are pear shaped you know that means bottom-heavy, and how it feels to get called thunder thighs. It sucks. Whenever the topic of shape comes up I reply with the fact that pears are a particularly luscious fruit, sweet and juicy. Yeah, you can use that.
So, I posed the question of my dear little peach-sized breasts, “If I have a tumor growing why isn’t my boob getting bigger? I said to friends, “Oh well, I guess its okay because then I’d just be lopsided.” That got a few smiles. Hey, I had been handed one of life’s lemons and I was damn well going to have me some lemonade! Enough about fruit! I decided this about cancer: I don’t want it, I don’t need it, and it has to go!
The Chemo Experience
The first four rounds of chemo were Adriamicin and Cytoxin. Before you get chemo for breast cancer they have this lovely (not) little device they implant into your chest--because the chemo is so caustic they can't put it in your arms. This was the thing I really hated most. Okay that's not funny but there is some funny stuff if you keep reading. I really have to give you a heads up about what I call “electric crotch”—more about that later. Believe it or not, this is funny—at least to me. During my first trip for chemo I was talking to the nurse and said I was optimistic and considered this cancer thing an opportunity to lose sixty pounds. (Yes, I can afford to lose it.) She said I would not be losing any weight and I just might gain some because of the steroids. Oh joy! Not only do I have cancer, now I’m going to get fatter! How is that fair? Top that off with orange pee for a day after treatment. That brings up the absolute need for water; take in as much as you can possibly drink. It will help you feel better more quickly by getting the chemo drugs flushed out of the body. Just a side note, the second set of drugs--chemo treatments number 5 & 6 made my bones ache something awful. Since the cancer was gone I refused the last two treatments. I was feeling like I didn’t want to get poisoned two more times for nothing.
There were some preliminary meds given just before the chemo was administered. One of them was Benadryl to avoid an allergic reaction to the chemo. I guess it affects various people differently. My experience was that I almost immediately felt light headed—woozy. It was like smoking pot, (from what I remember twenty-five or thirty years ago of course). That lasted mere seconds. Next, however briefly, my vision blurred a bit. Actually I just had trouble focusing. Next was the most unexpected response, which lasted several minutes. It was tingling, itchy, almost buzz-y and electric feeling “DOWN THERE”. I could barely control the urge to wriggle in my chair to try to relieve the sensation and make it stop. This is “electric crotch”. Months later, during my follow up radiation one of my best friends was diagnosed with breast cancer. I am so privileged to be able to tell her what to expect and be good moral support and head cheerleader. That is why I decided to write this article to lighten the burden and give some very practical advice.
Does Cancer Hurt?
Was there pain? Oh yes, but not from the cancer. Though it surprised me, that part was painless. It was the procedures that were a bit on the hard side. Still, once they had all the tests done the worst was over, except the procedures before surgery. Of all the stuff that will be done to you these will be the worst—and everybody survives them. I passed with flying colors, not a tear. Just be sure to ask beforehand exactly what will happen and what they will be doing so you aren’t surprised. I think it helps to be mentally prepared. Everybody is different and what really hurts one person may not bother you that much. Just because you have the same disease doesn’t mean your have the same boobs or the same degree of sensation or pain threshold, or reactions to the chemicals either. Oh, one more thing. One day I was eating chips early on in chemo and scratched the roof of my mouth. You have to be careful about mouth sores. Equal amounts of baking soda and salt in warm water for a mouth rinse works quite well. Catch it early.
I’ve got to say up front that I didn’t have a job to work everyday. During chemo I was able to go to bed those couple of days and mostly sleep through the nauseous days. Usually this hit on the third evening after treatment and lasted about two and a half days. I was so fortunate and believe me I am thankful. Since I have my own business (weddings and healing) I was able to schedule work during my good week. Chemo week was what I called the down week; the week after was what I called my up week. I was careful not to say my down week was the “bad” week. Our words affect how we feel and I was trying to be only positive.
Part 3 Choose Your Healing Attitude
A Few Funnies
Did I lose my hair? Yes, and no. It took three long years to grow it and I had shoulder length hair. However I was so weirded-out about losing a few hairs that I got a shorter cut. Just because I didn’t want to deal with the thought of finding hair on my pillow or in my hairbrush I rushed it. I got my head buzzed just a few weeks after the shorter cut. My friend—the one, who also got diagnosed, shaved my head for me. I didn’t stop to think about it before that, but the chemo drugs attack fast growing cells like cancer (and hair). Well my hair doesn’t grow fast, its very slow in fact. So, I may not have lost all my hair, but it was already shaved before I thought of that. Joke was on me. I ended up having the equivalent of razor stubble on my head for something like three months before it started growing again. Can you imagine that? I tried wearing those little soft knit head covers. I abandoned that idea cause the fabric kept catching on the stubble. If I had a chance for a do-over I would have gotten one of those super short boy cuts or Jaime Lee Curtis haircuts and just waited to see. Oh, and when your hair grows back its like it belongs to somebody else. I had fine hair before, and coarse curly hair after—but only for the first seven or eight months. My hair started getting back to normal then.
Now here’s one nobody thinks of ahead of time, but I’m telling you—buy good toilet paper. We had the cheap stuff on hand and well, I did not like it a bit. If this isn’t clear to you remember I just spoke of losing hair. Well by the end of chemo I was down to eight eyelashes, and almost no eyebrows. Getting the picture? My bottom was as bald as a baby’s butt too. How’s that for clarity? Yes, I think this is funny. Especially when I tell people about it and get their reactions. The looks on their faces are priceless. I laugh until tears fall, and so do they--after saying OMG! Really and truly the cheap tissue just lints and balls up like crazy and it sticks to you. I even got the chemo nurse to laugh about that one. I told her there are many things I’ve learned since I got cancer and most of them were funny. BTW, there are a bunch of make-up tricks to cover up the no eyelashes and eyebrows dilemma. I figured them out myself with no problem. You could take advantage though of the American Cancer Society’s program.
Dignity is yours as long as you choose it
What about your dignity? I was thinking at first that cancer didn’t allow you to have your dignity considering all the procedures and certainly it doesn’t allow for modesty. But who’s modest after four kids, right? Not having dignity was just a thought. Then, within days, my daughter shared with me that her husband, who had lost his mother to cancer just five months before my diagnosis, said something that changed my mind. He said cancer was one of those diseases that didn’t allow you to have any dignity [especially in advanced stages]. Isn’t the universe a wonderful thing? I was abruptly faced with my own negative thought. I didn’t like it. My impulse was defiance (again!). Nobody can take my dignity away by what is happening to my body. Dignity is like honor, no one can take it from you and only you can surrender it. Boy did I turn around! It really put the ball in my court as I chose right then to maintain my dignity and show my son-in-law—and I did!
Feel Better Faster after Chemo
Here are a few more serious items to help you out. What helps you feel better faster after a chemo treatment? Things you would do after any routine poisoning. One thing that helps is water, along with drinking as much as you can try hot soaks in the bathtub. I’ve got to say that my sweat never smelled so bad in my whole life as it did during and after chemo. Even if you prefer the word perspiration, I’ve got to say the stench was awful. I had this problem in late spring and summer. Winter shouldn’t pose as big a problem. I even got brown stains in my underarms for several months from the toxins in my body. Hot soaks in the bathtub will help immensely. It will help you feel better as well by opening pores and speeding the release of the toxic chemicals. I also found I liked to munch on salty stuff to control the nausea, along with smaller more frequent meals. The steroids they give you help there too. I actually gained about fifteen pounds over the course of treatment. A year later I still hadn’t been able to lose the weight. At this point I’m trying EFT on the weight issue.
Yikes! Cancer feeds on nicotine!
I didn’t smoke cigarettes but I have to be honest, it scared me to read an on-line article saying that nicotine actually feeds cancer cells. Do you know how many people are doing chemo and still smoking? It’s only my opinion but that’s just nuts! That’s a death wish! If you continue to smoke nobody should feel sorry for you! I also read that cancer can’t live in an alkaline environment. I got the little PH strips and checked that out. I ate more vegetables and cut back on sugar of all kinds and other sweets. Coffee turned into a once a week treat. I don’t drink alcohol but that is also acidic (bad) for the body’s PH. No moral judgment here at all - just PH. It creates an acid environment, that where cancer lives and thrives. You want to kill this crap, right?
Most Important Healing was Self-healing
I did some reading--but not much information about cancer the disease, rather I looked for information on how to get rid of it. I engaged in anti-cancer activities (I considered myself an activist). My anti-cancer activities were centered on the Emotional Freedom Technique, EFT for short (go to emofree.com), Louise Hay books (You Can Heal Your Life), Caroline Myss books on energy, and digging deeply and fearlessly into all my past emotional baggage.I learned a long time ago forgiving is not something you do for others. You do it for yourself. Until then I just hadn’t uncovered that particular hurt yet. There were lots of past disappointments, shocks, injustices and wounds buried so deep I didn’t know I still carried them. Ladies, they have to go. If you keep bad feelings inside your body they will poison more than your attitude, they will fill you with aches, pain and disease.
Did I lose my hair? Yes, and no. It took three long years to grow it and I had shoulder length hair. However I was so weirded-out about losing a few hairs that I got a shorter cut. Just because I didn’t want to deal with the thought of finding hair on my pillow or in my hairbrush I rushed it. I got my head buzzed just a few weeks after the shorter cut. My friend—the one, who also got diagnosed, shaved my head for me. I didn’t stop to think about it before that, but the chemo drugs attack fast growing cells like cancer (and hair). Well my hair doesn’t grow fast, its very slow in fact. So, I may not have lost all my hair, but it was already shaved before I thought of that. Joke was on me. I ended up having the equivalent of razor stubble on my head for something like three months before it started growing again. Can you imagine that? I tried wearing those little soft knit head covers. I abandoned that idea cause the fabric kept catching on the stubble. If I had a chance for a do-over I would have gotten one of those super short boy cuts or Jaime Lee Curtis haircuts and just waited to see. Oh, and when your hair grows back its like it belongs to somebody else. I had fine hair before, and coarse curly hair after—but only for the first seven or eight months. My hair started getting back to normal then.
Now here’s one nobody thinks of ahead of time, but I’m telling you—buy good toilet paper. We had the cheap stuff on hand and well, I did not like it a bit. If this isn’t clear to you remember I just spoke of losing hair. Well by the end of chemo I was down to eight eyelashes, and almost no eyebrows. Getting the picture? My bottom was as bald as a baby’s butt too. How’s that for clarity? Yes, I think this is funny. Especially when I tell people about it and get their reactions. The looks on their faces are priceless. I laugh until tears fall, and so do they--after saying OMG! Really and truly the cheap tissue just lints and balls up like crazy and it sticks to you. I even got the chemo nurse to laugh about that one. I told her there are many things I’ve learned since I got cancer and most of them were funny. BTW, there are a bunch of make-up tricks to cover up the no eyelashes and eyebrows dilemma. I figured them out myself with no problem. You could take advantage though of the American Cancer Society’s program.
Dignity is yours as long as you choose it
What about your dignity? I was thinking at first that cancer didn’t allow you to have your dignity considering all the procedures and certainly it doesn’t allow for modesty. But who’s modest after four kids, right? Not having dignity was just a thought. Then, within days, my daughter shared with me that her husband, who had lost his mother to cancer just five months before my diagnosis, said something that changed my mind. He said cancer was one of those diseases that didn’t allow you to have any dignity [especially in advanced stages]. Isn’t the universe a wonderful thing? I was abruptly faced with my own negative thought. I didn’t like it. My impulse was defiance (again!). Nobody can take my dignity away by what is happening to my body. Dignity is like honor, no one can take it from you and only you can surrender it. Boy did I turn around! It really put the ball in my court as I chose right then to maintain my dignity and show my son-in-law—and I did!
Feel Better Faster after Chemo
Here are a few more serious items to help you out. What helps you feel better faster after a chemo treatment? Things you would do after any routine poisoning. One thing that helps is water, along with drinking as much as you can try hot soaks in the bathtub. I’ve got to say that my sweat never smelled so bad in my whole life as it did during and after chemo. Even if you prefer the word perspiration, I’ve got to say the stench was awful. I had this problem in late spring and summer. Winter shouldn’t pose as big a problem. I even got brown stains in my underarms for several months from the toxins in my body. Hot soaks in the bathtub will help immensely. It will help you feel better as well by opening pores and speeding the release of the toxic chemicals. I also found I liked to munch on salty stuff to control the nausea, along with smaller more frequent meals. The steroids they give you help there too. I actually gained about fifteen pounds over the course of treatment. A year later I still hadn’t been able to lose the weight. At this point I’m trying EFT on the weight issue.
Yikes! Cancer feeds on nicotine!
I didn’t smoke cigarettes but I have to be honest, it scared me to read an on-line article saying that nicotine actually feeds cancer cells. Do you know how many people are doing chemo and still smoking? It’s only my opinion but that’s just nuts! That’s a death wish! If you continue to smoke nobody should feel sorry for you! I also read that cancer can’t live in an alkaline environment. I got the little PH strips and checked that out. I ate more vegetables and cut back on sugar of all kinds and other sweets. Coffee turned into a once a week treat. I don’t drink alcohol but that is also acidic (bad) for the body’s PH. No moral judgment here at all - just PH. It creates an acid environment, that where cancer lives and thrives. You want to kill this crap, right?
Most Important Healing was Self-healing
I did some reading--but not much information about cancer the disease, rather I looked for information on how to get rid of it. I engaged in anti-cancer activities (I considered myself an activist). My anti-cancer activities were centered on the Emotional Freedom Technique, EFT for short (go to emofree.com), Louise Hay books (You Can Heal Your Life), Caroline Myss books on energy, and digging deeply and fearlessly into all my past emotional baggage.I learned a long time ago forgiving is not something you do for others. You do it for yourself. Until then I just hadn’t uncovered that particular hurt yet. There were lots of past disappointments, shocks, injustices and wounds buried so deep I didn’t know I still carried them. Ladies, they have to go. If you keep bad feelings inside your body they will poison more than your attitude, they will fill you with aches, pain and disease.
Part 4 Choose Your Healing Attitude
Other Important Stuff
Never underestimate the power of laughter. When I told the first few friends I had cancer they touched my arm, looked into my eyes sadly with concern and asked if there was anything they could do. My instinctive response was to jerk my arm away and say “Well you can lighten up!” but I maintained my calm and I would reply to them, “Make me laugh”. I’m single and had no one to spend time with at home other than my elderly mother—and I was her caretaker. So I had a movie date with a friend every other Friday during my “up” week. We talked and laughed a lot. I watched funny movies whenever possible, Nickelodeon and the Disney channel. My first ex-husband started calling me every couple of weeks when he found out from our oldest son that I had cancer. On one occasion he had been drinking. After asking me how I was, he launched into a comprehensive report about his disability: he had a new walker and was glad it had brakes and a seat, and among his other physical ailments and conditions, details about his hemorrhoids. I told my friend about the conversation we laughed about it for twenty minutes.
My daughter would tell me every funny thing her two boys said or did, and there were lots of them (they were 2 year and 4-year-old Sagittarians). I’m really attached to my grandchildren and they are an integral part of my life. My son’s four-year-old daughter seemed to be tuned in and without having talked to me she seemed to know when I was not doing well. She’s a Pisces. If you have an interest in Astrology and know that means it will make sense to you. If not forget it.
Summary
Okay, I’ve covered stinky sweat, shaving my head without needing to, toilet paper lint balls, orange pee, electric crotch, and getting fatter. In addition, if you want to consider it funny, I had all kinds of people I hadn’t talked to in five years or more calling and asking what they could do for me. This is your chance—a two-fold opportunity; first if you haven’t talked to them in five years for any particular reason it is best to resolve the past it or let it go. Second, ask them to clean your house during your down week or make you soup or meatloaf so you have something in the fridge without having to cook it yourself. Then see who follows through.
What else could be funny? Well, I wasn’t so amused at the gas station when the guy called me “Sir”. So make sure you wear some make-up and earrings and dress like a girl, at least in public. Then they’ll just think you’re a Sinead O’Connor or Brittany wanna-be. I had a wig I wore for working or meetings. I always wore a straw hat (no wig) when going to the doctor, the store or to friends--more for them than for me. I ran around bald at home! I had one friend who really liked my "no-do” and thought I looked like a Tibetan monk. My four-year-old granddaughter however was another story. She couldn't bring herself to look at me with no hair. My two-year-old grandson on the other hand thought it was great we had the same buzzed haircut.
It’s really a unique experience to run into another older woman with conspicuously short hair and your eyes meet, and there is a knowing or recognition, and you smile at each other like two members of a secret sisterhood. Then again who knows, maybe she was a lesbian and thought you were too. Lighten up! If you can't laugh you are in trouble.
I had a few laughs about radiation too. The best laugh was when I decided halfway through I wasn’t going to finish that either. The doctor called and promised if I took just five more sessions (instead of 13) he would consider he had done the best he could for me—considering my level of cooperation I guess. Anyway (here's the funny part), when I went back he was telling me of another woman who had decided to stop her treatment but for other reasons. I about fell off the table when in his heavily Indian accented English he said concerning that woman, “I thought to myself, 'oh no! Its dat Linda, she’s spreading dis around!'” It’s great when the doctor is being funny.
Addendum:
Just to keep the record straight, I believe that I manifested cancer in life because I had not resolved my past emotional hurts and resentments, my feeling of not being able to remedy the injustices done to me or to others. I had to work through it, let the crap go. Therefore in taking responsibility I actually empowered myself to manifest my own healing. It’s this way--If I created it I can destroy it. It isn’t about my ego; it’s about truth. Cancer is a tough teacher, but if you learn the lesson, you get to graduate. If not you fail. If you don’t know you have the power how can you use it? I’m writing this so you know there is a choice.
Last thing: I think it is quite sad that most people treat their bodies like they were cars. Meaning people take their automobiles to mechanics and just expect them to be repaired. They don’t have anything to do with the process—the mechanic knows what to do and does it and you have a tune-up or a new transmission or whatever. NEWS FLASH Your body is not a car. Don’t expect to take it to the doctor and just get it repaired. You have some responsibility here, and a great deal of power as well. You have the power of your mind! You have the right to ask questions, to ask what you can do to help yourself, or ask what not to do. Western medicine may think they have all the cutting edge technology but have you ever heard, “The operation was a success but the patient died?” The doctor is only in control of the treatment; you control the rest of the outcome. Get involved! It’s your life we’re talking about. Try everything in addition to Western medicine; plenty of it is free too. Check out the alternative practices on my other blog site. See them at:
http://healingsoul-utions.blogspot.com
Never underestimate the power of laughter. When I told the first few friends I had cancer they touched my arm, looked into my eyes sadly with concern and asked if there was anything they could do. My instinctive response was to jerk my arm away and say “Well you can lighten up!” but I maintained my calm and I would reply to them, “Make me laugh”. I’m single and had no one to spend time with at home other than my elderly mother—and I was her caretaker. So I had a movie date with a friend every other Friday during my “up” week. We talked and laughed a lot. I watched funny movies whenever possible, Nickelodeon and the Disney channel. My first ex-husband started calling me every couple of weeks when he found out from our oldest son that I had cancer. On one occasion he had been drinking. After asking me how I was, he launched into a comprehensive report about his disability: he had a new walker and was glad it had brakes and a seat, and among his other physical ailments and conditions, details about his hemorrhoids. I told my friend about the conversation we laughed about it for twenty minutes.
My daughter would tell me every funny thing her two boys said or did, and there were lots of them (they were 2 year and 4-year-old Sagittarians). I’m really attached to my grandchildren and they are an integral part of my life. My son’s four-year-old daughter seemed to be tuned in and without having talked to me she seemed to know when I was not doing well. She’s a Pisces. If you have an interest in Astrology and know that means it will make sense to you. If not forget it.
Summary
Okay, I’ve covered stinky sweat, shaving my head without needing to, toilet paper lint balls, orange pee, electric crotch, and getting fatter. In addition, if you want to consider it funny, I had all kinds of people I hadn’t talked to in five years or more calling and asking what they could do for me. This is your chance—a two-fold opportunity; first if you haven’t talked to them in five years for any particular reason it is best to resolve the past it or let it go. Second, ask them to clean your house during your down week or make you soup or meatloaf so you have something in the fridge without having to cook it yourself. Then see who follows through.
What else could be funny? Well, I wasn’t so amused at the gas station when the guy called me “Sir”. So make sure you wear some make-up and earrings and dress like a girl, at least in public. Then they’ll just think you’re a Sinead O’Connor or Brittany wanna-be. I had a wig I wore for working or meetings. I always wore a straw hat (no wig) when going to the doctor, the store or to friends--more for them than for me. I ran around bald at home! I had one friend who really liked my "no-do” and thought I looked like a Tibetan monk. My four-year-old granddaughter however was another story. She couldn't bring herself to look at me with no hair. My two-year-old grandson on the other hand thought it was great we had the same buzzed haircut.
It’s really a unique experience to run into another older woman with conspicuously short hair and your eyes meet, and there is a knowing or recognition, and you smile at each other like two members of a secret sisterhood. Then again who knows, maybe she was a lesbian and thought you were too. Lighten up! If you can't laugh you are in trouble.
I had a few laughs about radiation too. The best laugh was when I decided halfway through I wasn’t going to finish that either. The doctor called and promised if I took just five more sessions (instead of 13) he would consider he had done the best he could for me—considering my level of cooperation I guess. Anyway (here's the funny part), when I went back he was telling me of another woman who had decided to stop her treatment but for other reasons. I about fell off the table when in his heavily Indian accented English he said concerning that woman, “I thought to myself, 'oh no! Its dat Linda, she’s spreading dis around!'” It’s great when the doctor is being funny.
Addendum:
Just to keep the record straight, I believe that I manifested cancer in life because I had not resolved my past emotional hurts and resentments, my feeling of not being able to remedy the injustices done to me or to others. I had to work through it, let the crap go. Therefore in taking responsibility I actually empowered myself to manifest my own healing. It’s this way--If I created it I can destroy it. It isn’t about my ego; it’s about truth. Cancer is a tough teacher, but if you learn the lesson, you get to graduate. If not you fail. If you don’t know you have the power how can you use it? I’m writing this so you know there is a choice.
Last thing: I think it is quite sad that most people treat their bodies like they were cars. Meaning people take their automobiles to mechanics and just expect them to be repaired. They don’t have anything to do with the process—the mechanic knows what to do and does it and you have a tune-up or a new transmission or whatever. NEWS FLASH Your body is not a car. Don’t expect to take it to the doctor and just get it repaired. You have some responsibility here, and a great deal of power as well. You have the power of your mind! You have the right to ask questions, to ask what you can do to help yourself, or ask what not to do. Western medicine may think they have all the cutting edge technology but have you ever heard, “The operation was a success but the patient died?” The doctor is only in control of the treatment; you control the rest of the outcome. Get involved! It’s your life we’re talking about. Try everything in addition to Western medicine; plenty of it is free too. Check out the alternative practices on my other blog site. See them at:
http://healingsoul-utions.blogspot.com
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